Hello my loooooves!
Holy guacamole… I’m writing a blog. Can you even believe it? I cant. You’re all probably reading this in disbelief. Thats ok… I know I’m an inconsistent sloth when it comes to blogging these days. Honestly, since Juliet was born, its been hard to find the motivation, energy, time, etc. to sit down and actually blog. And, yes, I know shes about to be 2! No shade, please!?
Alright, so lets just get into it… you read the title… you know why you’re here….
MAMA NEEDED A DAMN BREAK!
First things first… I love my babies. All the babies I’ve ever carried; the babies that survived, the ones that have become sweet angels and even the one that accidentally showed up in my stomach! To be completely honest, I’ve been shook to my core about having another baby. Luke & I have been saying, since Juliet was born, that we were done with babies. I have purged and gifted ALL of our baby stuff. And I’ve been planning my life around NOT having another baby. We talked, last year, about possibly having another one after I graduated nursing school IN A FEW YEARS… and then 3 months later, I was pregnant accidentally. As exciting as it is to see a positive pregnancy test, it also came with a wave of fear, anxiety, frustration, regret, and emotions that I wasn’t ready to process. Not all positive pregnancy tests come with positive emotions and I had to learn to process that!
So, I needed some time. I had to disappear from IG for a little bit. I had to kind of disappear from real life, too. I quit my job. I stopped studying like I should. I stopped responding to texts. I let collab/sponsorship emails to unanswered. And I became a bad mom and a bad wife. Listen, I know this sounds selfish and you’re free to judge me if you please. I definitely won’t apologize for my feelings, though. For the last 5 years, I’ve wanted to start nursing school… FIVE YEARS… and I felt like I was SOOO dang close. So, it is hard to accept that dream is being pushed back…yet again… because I have to give my body away for a while. I’ve been a little crushed and a little worn down but I am feeling so much better. I’m 25 weeks pregnant, now, and I cannot believe we are finally getting our boy. We have dreamt of having a little boy since before we even got married. Despite the emotional turmoil, getting passed that initial shock has brought such clarity and unbelievable bliss and true gratitude. My heart cannot wait to be a boy mama!
And I want to say a few things before I get out of here… 1) I cannot wait to bring home baby boy 2) I am entitled to my feelings and SO ARE YOU! 3) Your feeling are valid and your mental health is important. 4) I’m back and excited to start creating again 5) Thank you to everyone who has been gracious enough to check on me 6) I love you! If you’re struggling with something, take time for yourself. Be selfish. Do what makes YOU feel happy.